“She’s driving me crazy!” Schofield exclaims—as Harry and Meghan appear to outmanoeuvre the royal commentators determined to pin down two palace-described “private citizens”
“She’s driving me crazy!”
Oh, Kinsey.
How delicious.
There is something wonderfully revealing about royal commentator Kinsey Schofield admitting that Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, is “driving her crazy.”
Because what, precisely, has private citizen Meghan done? Surely it’s not her Instagram posts that have Kinsey all befuddled? Because why would somebody else’s Instagram posts drive another person crazy? I would think if I don’t like someone’s content on social media, I just scroll.
Isn’t that what everyone does? Surely it is what Kinsey does, no?
One scrolls past, pours another cup of tea, pulls one’s cashmere cardigan a little more tightly around the shoulders and gets on with the day. Perhaps there is a Diptyque candle burning, a dog curled at one’s feet and something far more interesting waiting on Tiktok. This is what the block button—and a beautifully appointed sitting room—were made for. Instead Kinsey sits there, for hours, and gets driven mad by a cheery private citizen Duchess.
Meghan should not have the power to drive Kinsey Schofield crazy because Kinsey does not know Meghan and Meghan does not know Kinsey.
Kinsey does not even have Meghan’s email address never mind a phone number so it means they are not close. Meghan has not granted Schofield an interview. She has not explained her plans. She has not supplied either Kinsey or Charlotte Griffiths with a convenient itinerary. She has not issued a daily briefing to the British press. She has not asked permission to live her life, love her husband, raise her children or decide when—and whether—she will return to, or leave, Britain.
Private citizen Meghan has simply kept calm and carried on with living her life which admittedly seems to be a very exciting, constantly moving thing.
And apparently, just by living her life, Meghan is maddening to people like Griffiths and Schofield.
In a recent discussion between Kinsey Schofield and Charlotte Griffiths, the pair attempted to unravel the latest mystery surrounding the Duke and Duchess of Sussex: where are they staying, when Meghan will appear, what the couple intends to do next and how their possible return to Britain fits into the increasingly frantic royal narrative, and why did they release images on social media, and are they happy or getting a divorce.
The answers were not readily available and that appears to be the problem.
The commentators cannot keep up
For years, royal commentators have behaved as though Harry and Meghan owe them a detailed account of their movements, and inner workings of their marriage.
Where are they staying?
Who invited them?
Are the children coming?
Is Meghan returning?
Will they see the King?
Have they bought a house?
Are they borrowing one?
Are they reconciling with the Royal Family?
Are they trying to upstage someone?
Who will get custody?
Every movement must be predicted. Every silence must be interpreted. Every possibility must be converted into a headline.
The King’s memorandum a few days ago seems not to have registered with Kinsey and Charlotte who should be spending their time covering the movements, engagements and outings of the Prince and Princess of Wales and not this “side show” that is the “irrelevant” Duke and Duchess of Sussex. William is at Dartmoor. Why isn’t Kinsey and Charlotte talking about that?
Me thinks they need to refer to Buckingham Palace to be debriefed on what it means when the King says that Harry and Meghan are “akin to private citizens”.
To me, it means that Kinsey and Charlotte should not be this much interested in Harry and Meghan’s every move. Indeed, they should just ignore the Duke and Duchess completely and get on with covering the working royals.
But Harry and Meghan appear to have learned something very important: you cannot control people who are perfectly willing to treat you like the most newsworthy royal couple even when the palace has told them otherwise.
Harry and Meghan are just keeping calm as they walk through the woods with their kids and fish from little romantic fishing boats. They do not need to correct every rumour. They do not need to disclose every arrangement. They do not need to help commentators build careers around anticipating their next move.
And so Schofield and Griffiths keep chasing. They meet several times per day to debrief, to try to figure out what Hary and Meghan will do next. And to be honest, Harry and Meghan never disappoint. They bring the plot twists.
They hear one thing, then another. They attempt to pin the couple down, only to discover that Harry and Meghan may already be several steps ahead.
One can almost imagine the Sussexes privately high-fiving each other as they watch a collection of breathless royal experts scrambling to keep up with a couple some of them have disdainfully dubbed “middle-aged.” Harry and Meghan repeatedly demonstrate that “middle-aged” is not an insult. In their hands, it looks rather aspirational. Not because they are engaged in some sinister campaign against the press, but because the interlopers who have spent years inserting themselves into the Sussex marriage still cannot gain entry.
They can speculate about the couple. They can analyse them. They can criticise them. But they cannot quite reach them.
Private citizens—with a strangely public entourage of critics
The irony is exquisite.
According to the monarchy’s own language, Harry and Meghan are private citizens. They are not working royals. They do not formally represent the King. Their schedules are not published in the Court Circular, and their personal plans are not official palace business.
Yet an entire royal-commentary industry behaves as though these two “private citizens” are the only royals that matter and that they must remain permanently available for inspection.
Apparently, Harry and Meghan are private enough to be denied the institutional protections of royal life—but public enough that strangers feel entitled to know where they sleep.
Private enough to be told that they are outside the royal fold—but public enough to sustain podcasts, television appearances, newspaper columns and countless YouTube thumbnails across the globe.
Private enough to be dismissed.
Never private enough to be left alone.
That contradiction is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
If Harry and Meghan are truly private citizens, then they are entitled to make private arrangements. They may stay with friends. They may rent a house. They may purchase property without informing the Daily Mail. They may arrive separately, together or not at all. They may bring their children—or protect them from the spectacle. They may post on social media as they chose and see fit.
The commentators are not members of the Sussex household.
They are not family advisers.
They are not invited confidantes.
They are spectators standing outside the gates, pressing their faces against the railings and becoming irritated because the curtains remain closed.
Meghan’s calm is the provocation
Meghan seems to have discovered that the most effective response to relentless scrutiny is not necessarily confrontation.
Sometimes it is composure.
She smiles. She works. She shares what she chooses to share. She makes jam, develops products, supports causes, appears beside her husband and returns home.
She does not look defeated.
That may be the unforgivable part.
The press predicted humiliation, exile and marital collapse. Meghan was supposed to discover that life outside the palace was impossible. She was supposed to regret leaving. She was supposed to spend the remainder of her life begging for Britain’s approval.
Instead, she appears to be building a life on her own terms.
The woman who was expected to unravel has become increasingly difficult to rattle. Meanwhile, those paid to observe her are openly confessing that she is driving them crazy.
You could not write a better reversal.
At the end of the day, Harry and Meghan still control the most valuable thing
They control access.
Not completely, of course. Public figures cannot prevent discussion, criticism or speculation. But Harry and Meghan can decide who receives confirmation. They can choose when photographs appear. They can announce projects directly. They can keep certain friendships, homes and family arrangements beyond the reach of the commentary circuit.
That control matters.
Royal reporters were once accustomed to a system in which the palace, the press and the public participated in a carefully managed exchange. Information moved through familiar channels. Commentators cultivated sources. A leak here and a briefing there created the appearance of privileged knowledge.
Harry and Meghan disrupted that arrangement.
They communicate through their own representatives and platforms. They reveal some things and withhold others. They no longer require the royal rota to introduce them to the world.
The old gatekeepers have been left trying to reconstruct the story from fragments.
No wonder they are struggling to keep up.
Please, Meghan—carry on
Harry and Meghan may or may not have “got one over” on the commentators. We do not know their private conversations, and that is rather the point.
But it is delicious to imagine them together, somewhere comfortable and undisclosed, watching the latest collection of experts attempt to solve them.
Perhaps Harry looks over at Meghan.
Perhaps Meghan raises an eyebrow.
Perhaps there is a smile, a laugh and a quiet high five.
Because the commentators who insist the Sussexes are irrelevant still cannot stop talking about them. The experts who claim to understand Meghan remain perpetually bewildered by her. And the people determined to pin down these palace-described private citizens cannot seem to establish where they are, what they are planning or what they will do next.
Meghan keeps calm.
Harry carries on.
Kinsey Schofield and Charlotte Griffiths scramble to keep up.
And yes—it is all rather delicious. It makes me giggle.
